WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?

"What is your greatest achievement?"

Currently listening to a United Kingdom based radio station and the DJ is asking the caller, "what kind of chocolate are you eating?" Doesn't make sense to me, whatever. Maybe they do have some kind of chocolate celebration up there in the UK.  Uhmm, what kind of song are they playing? Singing about some chocolate salted balls and how it should be sucked and how it contains some vitamins. Like, really the song described how it looks like and how it is high in fiber. Puns

Yes, Lana Del Rey finally!

So going back to the topic, I get easily distracted. Yesterday, I went to my second interview for an insurance company located at the Central Business District and I was asked this question by the interviewer, "What is your greatest achievement?" The question boggles my mind until now. Of course, I just had to make up some answer but inside me, I felt so DISTURBED.

I'll be past my mid-20s in a few days and assessing my life now, its saddening how I have not achieved anything yet in my life. I'll be in my 30s in a few years time. THIRTY.

Let me tell you something about myself, when I was younger I used to ace all tests. My aunt just said a few days ago, among the siblings I am the smartest. I ace exams, get into good schools without the need of a backer, be part of a special group of students which only few can belong to and guess what, I'm in law school!

My confidence used to be up in the roofs. Now, its all flushed down in the toilet. Ah, life has its way of shoving your face down the mud!

AM I STUPID? I MUST BE TOO STUPID, IDIOT, MORONIC AT THAT

During my senior year in high school, most of my batchmates including myself applied for the most prestigious school in the country. The entrance exams happens every Sundays of August. To cut the story short, I was rejected. To make it worst, I was THE ONLY ONE who received a letter from the university telling me that I did not qualify for the courses that I chose. 

When I was young, I envisioned myself to be attending this university and being a totally made person during my mid-20s. I'll be past my mid-20s in a few days and I'm neither.

FAILURE LEVEL: 100 and still going

Okay, so well I still finished in a great school which is now recognized as one of the top schools in the country but it did not come easy. I FAILED. It was my FIRST EVER FAILURE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. It was very embarassing to think I was just a few steps shy from graduation. I was able to graduate the next year. I was able to move on, got over it. Now, I can freely talk about it.

On that same year, I applied in my university's law school and fortunately passed. But yes, I got kicked out the next year. Two flunk rule. Okay, I moved on, transferred to another school.

I am just again a jump away from graduation and I failed not just one but three subjects. If you think about it, I should have been a lawyer now if I did not have all these delays and setbacks in my life and I'm close to hitting my 30s and I still have not done anything relevant in my life. I have not made anything in my life. I bet my professors and classmates (I refuse to call them friends because... oh well) are laughing at me for just plain being stupid, idiot, moronic at that. Maybe they are talking to themselves what a shame I am, how slow can I ever get to catch up with their level of understanding and genius? I cannot deny that law school humbled me, humbled me too much. 

I used to taunt my sister how her university back when we were in college was like where the 'not so smart' students from my university are being thrown at. The joke's on me now. I got thrown out, she got ahead in life compared to me, got great work credentials, now living independently abroad and she's still in her early 20s - kind of the life I envisioned myself. Now, its very difficult to find a job myself. I remember an employer telling me that they cannot accept me because I "have no work experience" and that working for a BPO company does not count as a work experience.

What is my greatest achievement? None. I don't have any achievement to brag about, no badge to carry. More pressure since people my age and around me are all achievers and I'm still this. I feel like I never learned anything at all. I'm lost, my spirit is empty. I deactived my social networks except for twitter where I am using a pseudonym. Living an invisible and irrelevant life. 

I've been preferring to stay in the bedroom lately. I've and still binge watching tv shows and films. Today, I finished three films, slept, did some yoga and lots of chores. Tomorrow, off to my mortal morbidity.